Why Am I Not Happy?

“Why would we have strain and resistance in answering the Holy Spirit’s Call? That’s an interesting thing. If this is the Call for eternal life, if this is the Call to joy, if this is the Call to happiness, if this is the Call that tells you God’s Will for you is perfect happiness, why would we resist? In twelve-step terms we’re addicted to the ‘stinking thinking.’ If you talk to people who are in the twelve-step programs, they’ll say, ‘I first had to get in touch with my addiction to misery.’ It’s interesting when I listen to people doing the twelve steps that have had alcoholic addictions, drug addictions, sex addictions, all kinds of struggles. They’ll tell you, ‘I couldn’t even begin the healing process until I’d admitted I had a problem. And admitted that there was some kind of strange addiction to misery that was making me take that next drink, that was making me take that next joint, or that next hit.’ There’s some strange, twisted addiction to misery that has to be faced. And everyone has to face that addiction to misery. How can we hope to be healed from pain and suffering in the mind if we are still holding it close and protecting it, if we still feel we like that there is something safe about misery?

How could we ever heal from misery if we’re protecting the misery? To answer that Call we really have to be honest with ourselves about, where am I in my mind, where am I in my heart resisting the Call? There’s an actual terror at listening to the Voice for God. People on this planet have all kinds of beliefs; some of them believe in God, some of them are atheists, some of them are agnostic, some of them believe in pink pyramids; all kinds of things. Not a lot of people say they have conversations with Jesus; they are usually locked up. We are being called to accept true forgiveness, to go into innocence, to accept ourselves as the living Christ and to let go of the mask of persona that covers over that light. That’s what it’s going to entail.

Now let’s look a little bit at the fear, the fear of answering the Call, because it doesn’t necessarily seem logical. If this is a call back to eternal love, then it doesn’t seem logical to say no to it or to fight it. But the ego is terrified of that Call. There is no ego in eternity, so basically the ego is terrified of the Call because it’s out of business. And remember the ego itself is just a belief, so the ego is more concerned about the mind that believes in it. Because the ego is like a parasite, draining the mind of its creativity, its joy, its happiness. When you feel fatigue, you feel the ego’s fatigue. When you’re tired, you feel the ego’s sense of tiredness. Spirit isn’t tired. Spirit is eternally loving and joyful and vibrant. So when you even consider answering that Call, the ego is going to go from suspicious to vicious; it’s going to throw everything including the kitchen sink to say, ‘Think twice before you make that move.’ Why? Because the ego’s threatened. If you start listening and following those guidances, the ego feels like it’s days are numbered, and that’s true. If you start following the voice of the Holy Spirit, the ego’s days are not only numbered, they are severely numbered. They are shortened by an amazing amount of time; that’s what miracles do: They collapse time; they bring the Alpha and the Omega back together. They show you that I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. Really, love has no start or stop; it’s just eternal…”